I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
