he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
