call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
