She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
