I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
