there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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