your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
