I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
