Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
