now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
