She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
