Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
