How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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