My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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