it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
