I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
