Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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