dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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