I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
