is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
