Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
