That's when you crack a 10am beer
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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