I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
