I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
