I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
