you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
