yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
