I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
