hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
