other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
