Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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