if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
