I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
