there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
