he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
