I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
