you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
