Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
