i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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