i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
