There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
