It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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