I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
