why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
