I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
