watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
