I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You made out with two different species that night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
