big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
