I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
too bad you live with your parents still
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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