God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
