It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
