i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
