Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
