Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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