I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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